Dead Seriously.

Hint: For once, it’s not Utah State. Read more…

GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is life for fans from small-time schools like Utah State University without the resources, the tradition, or the sexiness required to obtain the recruits, sponsors, media attention, or in many cases, simply the confidence that enable teams to rise above the haze into that elite class of schools with a legitimate shot at glory. Read more…

As reported by my brother:

I learned at Stake Priesthood leadership meeting that we can increase our spirituality by gleaning insights from the biographies of BYU football players.

I also learned that you shouldn’t make gagging noises during Stake Priesthood leadership meeting if the bishop is sitting behind you.

Yes, it is that time of year. Despite all of my principles and the excellent training my parents provided me with as a child, I will spend the next few weeks of my life cheering for BYU.

(Vomit)

As is so often the case, Utah State’s basketball team emerged victorious in their early-season matchup with BYU–the final margin was only 10 points, but having watched the game, it wasn’t that close. On that early December evening, there was no question who the better team was by the time the final buzzer sounded, and the previously-undefeated Cougars walked off the court in sorrow and BYU fans immediately began littering Facebook with explanations and apologies for why the Cougars lost.

(This is in keeping with BYU Fan Rule #1: No BYU fan shall ever admit that any athletic team representing BYU on the field of competition, has been defeated fairly or was outplayed by a superior opponent. All losses shall be attributed to a) poor officiating, b) untimely injuries to key players, or c) dirty play on the part of the opponents.)
Read more…

I had the temerity to raise my hand in Elders Quorum last Sunday and ask if anyone was interested in putting together a Turkey Bowl on Thanksgiving Day, and so was naturally put in charge of the event. I forgot about this responsibility almost as soon as it was given to me (in keeping with my General Theory of Elders Quorum Responsibility Forgetfulness), and didn’t give it another thought until Tuesday afternoon when I got an email from someone in the EQ asking about the game and if anyone was planning on playing. Repenting of my sloth, I drafted a note about the game and sent it to the EQ email list.

By the time the game was supposed to start–yesterday morning at 8:30am–it was clear that the number of hands who had expressed interest in playing was a gross overstatement of the number of people who were actually willing to show up and toss around the pigskin. We waited 30 minutes or so past the scheduled starting time, and finally managed to scrounge up 6 players, myself included. We all stretched out, the hardcore footballers put on their cleats, and we staked out a shortened field since our numbers were so few, and no one really wanted to run much anyway.

Thus went the Harbor Hills Ward Elders Quorum Turkey Bowl 2009: The Armpit of All Turkey Bowls: Read more…

2:10 pm.
After about a dozen wrong turns around the Disneyland resort, my buddy Jeff and I finally found the espn zone where the event is being held. We picked a cool two hours early, not knowing how many people would be here, given that it’s the only signing inall of socal.

2:18pm.
We just got in line, and it would appear that we guessed right–there are only about 15 people ahead of me in line, and suddenly lots of folks are lining up behind us.

220pm.
My buddy Jeff mentions that he hopes the person in the front of the line knows what he’s doing. That would be hilarious if we are all lined up behind a guy who just needed a place to sit for a while, but has no actual connection to the event.

225pm.
Suddenly the fact that I am going stand here for two hours sets in. Everyone else is mostly sitting on the pavement reading copies of their books.

I am wearing some new pants, and I refuse.
Read more…

I am doing a first today–I will be attending a book signing Bill Simmons is holding at Disneyland to promote his new book, The Book of Basketball. I am utterly ignorant as to how a person is supposed to behave at such an event, but from reading Simmons’ article on ESPN.com the other day regarding earlier book tour stops, I can infer that asking him to sign my chest is not likely to be considered appropriate.
Read more…

An email exchange between myself, a Mormon Utah State Aggie, and an ex-Mormon Texas A&M Aggie discussing the theological implications of today’s wonderful result.

Read more…

I have been informed that I failed to make good on a promise–I had said that I would re-post the audio to the BYU-Aladdin song that I heard on PMS a while back (read this post if you need a reminder), since the file I linked to then has been removed from Youtube. I said I would take a vote, and since only 2 people voted, the audio goes up. We’ll see how long my fragile conscience survives and I decide to take it down for being too mean.

I think re-posting this will qualify as the “really bad thing” that makes me deserving of having my site banned by BYU (which, by the way, is still in force. I’m so proud.)

Look at the picture you below. Zoom in, if you have to. Do you know what it means?

It means that BYU has blocked this website–www.deadseriously.net. Some friends of mine at BYU (faculty no less!) tried to look at my site yesterday morning, and discovered that I have been banned. Folks–I have honestly never been so proud of anything in my entire life. I think I’d be okay with dying now. There’s nowhere to go from here but down.

While this was probably initially due to my use of a redirecting site TinyURL.com from my Facebook profile, apparently the destination site was blocked as well, so going directly to my blog from campus was not an option either.

The irony is that I haven’t really made fun of BYU for some time now–BYU fans are almost always unbearable to be around, but considerably less so after Utah’s football season. Figures.

The best thing about Utah State finally being in the Top 25 Rankings is that it’s easier for me to find out how the latest game is going. In the old days, it was a painfully long process like this:

ESPN.com –> NCAA Basketball –> Scoreboard –> All Scores –> Search for the Aggies among dozens of others.

Now, the process is much simpler:

ESPN.com –> NCAA Basketball –> Scoreboard.

I’m so glad football season is over. Go Aggies.

Look, people, I didn’t want to write about this. Honestly, it’s just not worth my time. But you’ve made me. I finally realized today that I need to nip this in the bud right now when a good friend–who knows better, or at least should know better– sent me an email suggesting that there might actually be a glimmer of light at the end of that dark, hellish tunnel known as Utah State football.

Let me explain this very clearly in small words that any USU grad can understand*: The Craptastic State football team is not good. The Craptastic State football team never will be good. If the Craptastic State football team played basketball, we would call them the Los Angeles Clippers. Read more…

Dear Bill Simmons, aka the Sports Guy,

You don’t know me. I’ve never met you. In fact, up until about three years ago, I’d never even heard of you. However, since that time I’ve come to love your writing–the humor, the pop culture references, the sports history minutia you dole out fluently, and on and on and on. I’ve never sent you an email or written you a letter, because each time I try, I start blushing like a school girl and can’t type straight. So here I am, writing to you on my own site, safe in the knowledge that you’ll likely never see this baring-of-my-very-soul to you. In writing this letter, I am calling on you to address an area of ethics and responsibility in the world of sports that has heretofore gone untreated. I am calling on you to create a definitive set of Man Crush Rules. If you had done so earlier, my man-confidence would not have wavered as much as it did over the past 24 hours. Read more…

Am I a bad person if I post a link the audio of the BYU fanboy singing that travesty of a song, now that the video has been taken off of YouTube?

Part of me wants to, because I hate BYU, and love making fun of it. And because the song is hilarious. And because the commentary by PMS is also hilarious.

Part of me would feel bad, because I don’t like making fun of individuals (institutions are exempt). And because the song is embarrassing. And because the commentary by PMS is really mean.

I could count the votes…

UPDATE (March 9, 2009): Reposted HERE

…to study, and then it’s all over. The list of things I want/need/have to do after the exam is over on Saturday afternoon is frighteningly long.

I haven’t so much as peeked at any news, sports, or much as anything else for nearly two weeks. Anything interesting happen out there?

I did notice that the dude who made the BYU-Aladdin song took it off YouTube. I have the audio on my computer, so I could put that up…maybe not.

UPDATE (March 9, 2009): Reposted HERE

(I’m not doing a very good job of sticking to my promise.)

Tonight while I was driving to the grocery store, I turned on the radio to AM 570, which is the home of one of my favorite sports talk radio shows–PMS. When I adjusted the volume, I could hear some familiar piano music and some screeching vocals, but it was hard to tell exactly what the music was, because Petros and Money were laughing hysterically. Finally, I heard enough to realize what it was: A guy singing about the glorious institution that is Brigham Young University* to the tune of “Prince Ali” from Aladdin. Read more…

…for being so happy that one man lost his job? If so, then in this case, I will gladly accept that judgment.

It’s important to keep a historical perspective on this sort of thing. Lots of Craptastic State fans will tell you that we need to get a coach who will improve the W/L ratio. While I would certainly be happy if the Gags got a few more victories, the reality is that they’ve had a grand total of 3 non-losing seasons in my lifetime. I don’t–nor does any USU fan with a grasp of history–expect lots of winning seasons, bowl games, or victories over Utah and BYU. They’ve never done those things.* What they DID do in the past was play entertaining football–games where they would lose 38-35 on a regular basis. Under Brent Guy, who has basically two plays in the book (a quarterback keeper and a handoff up the middle), the losses have been more like 24-3 and 58-10. It has been very, very boring. Read more…

Dear Scott,
How are you doing these days? The posting seems a little eratic, a little snarky, a little single-faceted, and, well…subpar. Please try harder.
-A Loyal Reader

Dear Loyal Reader,

Thanks for your concern. I’m okay, I guess. I’m lying through my teeth. I’m not okay. My upcoming CFA examination is causing major league burnout, stress, and a general sense of hopelessness and irritability. I think a rash has developed. I don’t think I’m going to pass, and mustering up the motivation to keep studying is difficult. Maybe a miracle will take place, but I’m predicting a disaster–just too little time and too many distractions (not all of which were bad). I am not sure how my ego will handle this blow. Read more…

I know it’s getting a little bit crazy with two Finlanders in the News posts in a row, but this is so worthy:

The folks presiding over the DVD-release of Little House on the Prairie in Finland decided it was too costly to submit it for a rating review, and thus all copies of the series were given the Adults-only rating of K-18 (“Banned for under 18-year olds”). (more here)
Since Merlin Olsen is one of the supporting cast members, does this make him a Mormon adult-film star?