Dead Seriously.

Yes, it is that time of year. Despite all of my principles and the excellent training my parents provided me with as a child, I will spend the next few weeks of my life cheering for BYU.

(Vomit)

As is so often the case, Utah State’s basketball team emerged victorious in their early-season matchup with BYU–the final margin was only 10 points, but having watched the game, it wasn’t that close. On that early December evening, there was no question who the better team was by the time the final buzzer sounded, and the previously-undefeated Cougars walked off the court in sorrow and BYU fans immediately began littering Facebook with explanations and apologies for why the Cougars lost.

(This is in keeping with BYU Fan Rule #1: No BYU fan shall ever admit that any athletic team representing BYU on the field of competition, has been defeated fairly or was outplayed by a superior opponent. All losses shall be attributed to a) poor officiating, b) untimely injuries to key players, or c) dirty play on the part of the opponents.)

But then, a couple of funny things happened. USU lost a bunch of games, and BYU kept winning. Mere weeks after their victory over BYU, the Aggies were staring at a record of 8-6, while BYU was in the middle of a winning streak that would eventually reach 15 games and earn the Cougars a (brief) Top 10 national ranking. This was hard for me to swallow, I must confess. Seeing my beloved Aggies lose to the likes of Long Beach State and Northeastern was a painful experience, and I have struggled through a state of denial and depression for much of the cold, dark, Southern California winter.

However, the God of Sports would not withhold His Warming Hand forever. No, following an ugly 22-point drubbing at the hands of Louisiana Tech, a switch was flipped, and the Aggies started winning. And winning. And winning.

And now, with only a handful of regular season games left before the WAC Tournament and Selection Sunday looming on the horizon, my Aggies have constructed a winning streak of their own–now at 11 games, and improved their record to a respectable 21-6 mark. More importantly, USU’s RPI has improved steadily since the terrible start, and sits at #36 as of today. Indeed, the Aggies have even convinced the national media to start paying attention to them again, and are now found in their annual anxiety-inducing slot on ESPN.com’s Bubble Watch. Which brings me back to the point of this post. According to the recent edition of Bubble Watch,

The Aggies have won 11 games in a row to climb into the NCAA at-large bubble discussion, but they have absolutely no margin for error down the stretch. The Aggies have one big feather in their cap: a 71-61 victory over BYU at home on Dec. 2.

You see, USU’s win over BYU represents that oh-so-important victory over an RPI 1-25 team, which the Selection Committee always cares about so much. However, BYU’s current RPI is only 20 right now, and a single loss before the MWC Tournament could possibly push that RPI into 26-50 territory, with Utah State’s NCAA odds being the collateral damage.

So, Brigham Young University, here we are. I am standing before you now, pleading with you, begging you, and promising not to laugh at BYU coed jokes for at least a month: Just keep on winning. A win for you is a win for me. My Ag’s SOS (currently 84) and RPI standing will rise with every additional victory you pick up. I am not naive. I know that you know that my lips are fertile with treachery when it comes to BYU athletics, and we both know that the second Selection Sunday passes, I will do all in my power to ensure your quick and shameful demise in the NCAA Tournament. I will mock you. I will curse you. I will taunt people in my congregation who graduated from your slimy halls. I will probably even push the BYU-Aladdin Song post to the front of this blog on the date of your first round game.

But, for the next 3 weeks, I will sell my soul. I will be your friend.

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