For the Newport Beach California Stake, in which I happen to reside, Stake Conference will be held this coming Saturday and Sunday. I am usually really excited for the conference weekend, because as odd as it may sound, I actually enjoy the extra meeting or two on Saturday without the kids where the local leadership is able to give us specific instruction and counsel for the current challenges in the area. Over the years, some of the most meaningful spiritual experiences in my life have come in these meetings. Additionally, I like Stake Conference because the 10am start time on Sunday means that I can sleep in an extra hour. Lastly, it is just a nice break from the normal 3-hour block routine.

(For those unfamiliar with this routine it is explained as follows: A normal Sunday involves of one hour of struggling with the squirming kids on a padded pew, after which I drop the kids off in nursery so I can go squirm uncomfortably on a folding chair for two hours in Sunday school and Priesthood meeting. Stake Conference, however, entails struggling with the squirming kids on folding chairs for two hours before going home. In short, I swap 3 hours of mild but consistent discomfort for two hours of extreme discomfort.)

(Come to think of it, when I was a child, Stake Conference was even better. We had this amazing family tradition called “skipping it”. To “skip it” we would, as a family, skip Stake Conference. We’d just pretend that it wasn’t happening. Instead, we would stay home and eat waffles. Then, later in the day, we stared at our feet in shame while the neighbors would come home dressed in church clothes and saw us playing in the front yard. Sometimes I miss that tradition.)

But wait–there’s more! In addition to the break in the routine, this coming conference brings with it the excitement of a visiting General Authority. It’s been a couple of years since a General Authority came to our Stake (we’ve been having those satellite broadcasts instead), and I was particularly thrilled to hear that Bishop Richard C. Edgley of the Presiding Bishopric would be our visiting authority. Why am I so excited about Bishop Edgley? Is it because I prefer Bishops to Seventies and Apostles? No. Is it because he once visited my mission and I got to shake his hand? No (he didn’t). Is it because he is from my home town of Preston, Idaho?* Yes it is!

(You may recall from a past General Conference address that Bishop Edgley likely holds the Idaho High School basketball record for most consecutive missed free throws in one game–something like 18. That happened at my high school. I also share a “probable” record in Idaho High School athletics–most consecutive golf balls hit out-of-bounds off the tee in the State Championship tournament before conceding that a driver is the wrong club for that shot–4. Yes, folks, Me = Tin Cup.)

But wait–there’s still more. Not only do we get a General Authority (from Preston!), but also get mass hysteria and anxiety leading up to conference. You see, all of the members were given notice a few weeks ago that Bishop Edgley has made a special request: In addition to the normal things like studying the scriptures a bit more and attending the temple during the week before conference, every member of the entire Stake has been asked to prepare a talk. Have you ever heard of anything like this before? In many past conferences I’ve been in, a handful of members are asked on the spot to give a brief testimony or thought–my DW got to do this once in the Logan Tabernacle a few years ago–but every last member of the entire Stake? The specific instructions are:

-All adults should be prepared to give a 10 minute talk
-All youth should be prepared to give a 7 minute talk
-All children should be prepared to give a 35 second testimony involving the words “bury” and “macaroni”.

There are couple of reasons that I think this is a potentially brilliant idea.

1. Nothing improves unity like a common enemy goal.

The theme for our Stake this year–maybe for every stake in California–is Unity. It stands to reason that, if every member of the stake is zoned in on the scriptures, praying earnestly, and preparing a talk as directed, the body of Saints would be much closer come meeting time to being “Zion”–One Heart and One Mind. Obviously, this outcome depends largely on how credible the members believe this “threat” of being asked to speak is. If it is perceived as a real possibility (and early surveys by me indicate that this is the case), then it stands to reason that whether Bishop Edgley or the Stake President actually asks anyone to speak at all may be entirely beside the point–everyone will be so spiritually fine-tuned that it won’t matter. Naturally, if the leadership were to just use this as a ploy, there would be wailing and gnashing of teeth such that the next time someone tried to use a obtain our spiritual focus by strategem, well…we’d be ready to block their evil…well…you get my point.

2. Reduced attendance means no one will be seated in the primary room.

Is it possible that we could have addition by subtraction? Hypothetically, if a large enough number of people consider the possibility of being asked to speak at any given moment as a “bad”, then we could potentially see a dismal turnout. This would be bad in general, as when it comes to spiritually feeding the saints and building up the Kingdom, More = Better. However, there is a positive spin we can put on this: During the last Stake Conference, I was seated in the Relief Society room. Until it got too crowded. Then I was moved to the Primary room. Neither of those rooms had satellite feed, and I ended up just “listening” to the conference addresses. So, while I will miss anyone who chooses to take my old family tradition and “skip it,” I will not mind getting a decent seat on a padded pew where I can actually see the speaker.

I will certainly return and report on how this goes down, but in the meantime, if you’ve ever experienced a plot like this from your own Stake leadership or visiting authorities, please chime in–horror stories or successes. Also, my DW would appreciate any suggestions for her talk.

*All the great Mormons in history come from Preston and its surrounding communities: Presidents Harold B. Lee and Ezra Taft Benson, Elders Matthias & Matthew Cowley of the 12, Bishop Edgely, Elder Spencer J. Condie of the 70, and Jared Hess, among others.