Socioeconomic Divisions in Mormon Wards part 2, or, Chilling with the Bishop
One more post on my Mormon life and then I’ll (try to) take a break.
I was so utterly taken aback at the response to my last post, that I honestly didn’t even realize that I haven’t posted anything for several days. Thanks to all of you for your very helpful, humorous (intentional or otherwise!), and well-played suggestions. I also apologize to any old people in my ward–or elsewhere–who feel that I treated them badly by calling them Orcs. Please know that, when I called you Orcs, I meant it in the most loving way possible.
Anyhoo…Several themes (All you need is love!) emerged from the past week’s (Dinner parties will solve all your problems!!) discussion about overcoming barriers on (Why do we have to be friends? I don’t like you!!) the road to congregational happiness, and while I don’t want to beat a dead horse, I want to wrap it up and summarize, as well as correct a few of my own mistakes and shortcomings in writing the original post, before moving on (More Dinner parties!!) to other topics.
First, I failed to make clear that my desire is not a ward in which everyone is the same, or a ward in which everyone knows everyone on a very personal level and likes them. Although the latter case might be a good thing, the former is certainly not. The differences between two people–or ten, or a hundred–are often the very source of any strength, purpose, and satisfaction in the relationship to begin with. In economic terms, comparative advantage is the source of gains from trade and social intercourse; if all members of a ward had identical characteristics, there would be no incentive for social interaction at all.
No, my point was a bit more subtle than that–I understand that groupings in large population can be very efficiency-enhancing, and completely destroying them would deprive any ward of many benefits. However, what I have experienced in my ward is that these divisions, while initially formed out of efficiency, have somewhere along the road, become an easy excuse for not socializing at all: The sheer number of people makes the task of becoming “integrated” into the ward very daunting.
Second, I failed to consider that this phenomena–both in Church and quasi-Church1 activities–is not necessarily dispersed equally across gender lines. All women, from age 18 to mega-Orc, attend the same Relief Society. This may exacerbate the problem of getting to know “everyone” but it nevertheless gives women of all ages exposure to each other. However, the division between EQ and HP virtually guarantees that the youngerish men will never come under the mentoring eye an Orc. Moreover, (and I hope I don’t get in trouble for this), it’s a fact most of the men in the ward are working during the day. This means that the weekly “playgroup” activities local parks and swimming pools will be attended almost entirely by women. Because both the students and the young professionals are in child-rearing stages, the mothers from both groups–equally desperate for a break from their bratty two year old–will attend these activities and thus cross the socioeconomic divisions. The men have no such activities…at least none of which I am aware. So it stands to reason that while the divisions may affect both men and women, I think the former will experience this more acutely.
Finally, I loved this comment in particular:
“It’s not that we don’t know everyone (in every ward we’ve been in, there have always been people we have not known). It has more to do with a disconnect that we feel with the leadership of the ward.”
I agree–I think that a close connection to the leadership can be one of the hallmarks of great leadership. However, I also think that there is more to this story than meets the eye. If we accept that difficulty in connecting with the leadership of a ward is one of the least-appreciated concerns for many young members of the Church, we need to figure out how to address it. To address it, it helps to know what the source of the difficulty is. I think the problem is most likely the fact that our perception of these relationships is based on experiences in student wards.
Most of the non-Orc members moved into the ward from a student ward (or non-student singles wards…what I’m saying works the same with those, too)–probably one at BYU, or perhaps a local one if they’re native Californians. (This theory applies equally well to other areas, so don’t concentrate on the locales). Student wards are unique in that the Bishop of the ward is extremely visible: often attending or even arranging a wide variety of activities. The bishopric is extremely visible, and typically has a very personal relationship with every member of the ward. In multiple student wards I’ve lived in, the Bishopric would make regular rounds to visit all of the members in their homes and ensure that the strong relationship was present. However, Bishops in student wards benefit dramatically from the fact that they have a largely homogeneous3 membership to work with. This is not the case in “normal” family wards.
In the LDS Church, Bishops almost always lead out in missionary work, but they also have three other very specific assignments: The Youth programs, Welfare, and the Widows. Bishops in student wards can, to a large extent, ignore two of those because there are no youth and there are no widows. The obvious result is a straightforward application of income and substitution effects2: A Bishop in a ward with no widows or youth to take care of, will, other things equal, devote more time to the remaining tasks (missionary work and welfare) and unallocated time to new activities (visiting and getting to know every single person).4
Now, jump to a 25-year old who has just moved from BYU to my ward, and is struggling to find a connection with leadership in the ward. In the former ward, it was the leadership who came to the members and build the relationship. When this doesn’t happen, the member feels slighted, ignored, or worse yet, unnoticed. What needs to change? Does the leadership need to make a better effort? Maybe in certain cases, but I think it’s more likely that the new move-ins need to recognize that their expectations may need some tweaking. In short, perhaps we all need to understand what many of the comments on my earlier post were saying: Connection to the ward will come through involvement in service, not through hanging out with the EQ president or the Bishop.
I’ll end it there, since I think I’m quickly approaching the too-much-of-a-good-thing threshold, and it’s more likely that someone else out there has a better hold on this than me. This is still a work in progress, however, so if you have corrections or criticism, please let me know. I’m all ears.
Suggestions?
1. Playgroups, RS interest groups, etc…
2. Slutsky equation, folks. It will explain everything in life that needs to be explained.
3. In many student wards, this homogeneity can serve to increase the visibility of ward leadership even further, as many such wards contain multiple Elders Quorums or Relief Societies.
4. This idea first came to my mind when I realized that all of my old bishops talked about missionary work and home teaching percentages almost every single week. For the longest time, I wondered how I had managed to select into a world in which all of my bishops were obsessed with those two things. Then I realized that they just had nothing else to talk about, because it was a student ward.
Great, great post! Both of them.
I live in Vienna, Austria, Europe. Our ward is quite large for this area. We have about 120 member attending sacrament meeting per week (around 400 members on the rolls).
Our EQ is quite small. Our HPG, too. So, we have the first sunday per month in separate classes, the other sundays depend on the number of HP attending (a lot of them are in stake callings and therefore not in the ward every sunday. We have 1 inactive HP).
The division between HP and EQ has nothing to do with age, here. We have Elders who are almost 70, and we have a HPs in their thirties. Our bishop is 36.
Currently our bishop focusses on youth and missionary work, and one of his counsellors is responsible for the EQ. Yet, the Bishop has a good relationship to all members. This does not mean that he tends to all needs of the members – this would be impossible, but home teachers and visiting teachers care about the ones they are responsible for.
Each HP is a mentor for one of the “elders to be” (don’t know how you say “Ältestenanwärter” [men over 18 who are not yet elders] in English)
We have 2 to 4 EQ activities per year, aside from service projects and ward activities.
Some time ago, some of the EQ and HP decided to have a monthly regular’s table in a tavern.
This all helped to build friendships over boundaries and to help new people feel welcome and at home.
So, I think that what you describe is partly effected by the situation of your ward, and partly it’s a question of private initiative.
Rene A. Krywult
Vienna 2nd ward
We recently moved away from a ward in New England, similar to yours. Fewer Orcs I think and slightly smaller, but very similar. One of it’s defining characteristics in the area was the turnover. There were enough students and young professionals doing short stints that nearly half the ward changed every year.
We spent five years there and learned the most from the final year. That was the year when all of our close friends had finally left and we got to watch how things worked from the sidelines.
Like you said, a connection with the leadership is important. Our bishop and RS president made sure that they met with each new family as soon as possible. After that, you may not have any individual time with the bishop other than tithing-settlement, but you knew that he knew who you were.
Additionally, he gave out callings as quickly as possible to new members. Sometimes on the same day their records arrived. Each auxiliary knew this and would jump at promising new members to fill their gaps. It’s hard to feel left out when you don’t have time to hide.
But we learned that the key to integration is the individual effort. We watched people move into what we felt was a welcoming ward and seem to disappear into the background. And we watched others jump right in and feel a part of things almost immediately. How willing they were to introduce themselves, even multiple times to the same person, and then jump in to help some else or invite others over made a HUGE difference.
It also didn’t hurt that we were a ward that, because of a few difficult years, learned to serve each other. If a need was discovered, a discrete email went out, and it was taken care of. It’s so hard to hide in the shadows when members are knocking on your door to help.
My husband and I felt blessed to have been in that ward. It worked. When we left we joked that we’d just been through training and that it was time to take what we’ve learned out into the real world. We jumped right in to our new ward, making sure we got to know the leadership and other members, and feel right at home after only a few months.
So my point? It’s all up to the individual. Sorry that I’m not much help with the calling!
@ Rene (Anonymous)–
Thanks for your comment; especially nice to hear from someone in a different area of the world, as our own cultures often color the way we view these things so heavily and hide very obvious solutions to challenges. Having also lived in Europe, I can see that you do have a big ward there. You make a good point about the HP/EQ–in many wards, the age distinction is less visible for the reasons you suggested. In my own ward, the division is quite clear, as those who are still technically Elders, but are more HP age, tend to go to HP meetings (also, “Prospective Elder” is the term you were looking for).
@Mia
It’s become more and more evident–both from the comments and my own mulling–since I wrote the first post, that you’re absolutely right: individual effort is always at the root of change. Challenging circumstances like size and socioeconomic barriers can make individual effort more difficult, but they never absolve us of the responsibility.
“Some time ago, some of the EQ and HP decided to have a monthly regular’s table in a tavern.”
Now that is one of the most sensible priesthood meetings I’ve ever heard of.
No kidding! We need us some tavern action out here in SoCal…
Another interesting and related topic is the perpetuation of a leadership class within the church: stake-level callings are rotated through the same persons, as are ward leadership callings. I do not mean to discount revelation–revelation does drive the extension of calls, but normally as a confirmation of a choice and not of the instigation of it.
Normally, who you know is who you call, and this continues in a cycle. What happens, then, is that a leadership class develops. This class is privy to the leadership training meetings, which in turns fuels the “who you know” cycle. In the end, we create a group of good leaders, and the rest of us. This, not to mention the perpetual clerk, young men/women presidencies, primary callings within that leadership group.
Many capable people are not given the opportunity to lead or learn from training meetings how to lead, nor are many offered different experiences (the example of my family comes to mind: the children are all boys, and my mother only served in cub scout positions and was never given the opportunity to work with young women).
Again, revelation plays a big part in callings, but usually a confirmatory role. Those called are usually extremely capable, and have unique qualities that make them important. However, there are others who go unnoticed by leaders who are just as capable and just as important. This frustrates the goal of the church to make its members leaders.
I totally agree with the leadership aspect. The two best wards we have ever lived in also happen to have had the best leadership. One is a bishop that influenced out life beyond description. The other was an RS president and bishopric member that were both good friends. But, even in wards with leadership that we didn’t really connect with we always had friends. Mostly because we made it a priority. We went to things, we talked to people, we invited people over. We worked at it, and it always paid off. Most people that we knew that complained about wards did very little to try and make friends. It seems to be a proactive situation.
I am currently attending a ward with 2 relief societies, there are so many sisters. There were two elders quorums as well as hp. We don’t know many of the sisters in the other group, much the same as the sisters in primary and YW only know the other sisters they serve with. Once a month the two RS meet together, perhaps EQ and HP doing the same would help.
I also recently attended a ward where there are young families, couples, and singles in apartments, families in established upscale neighborhoods, and a few families who are known for the muliti-million dollar donations they have made to the local university. In this ward, the RS really worked to mix up the visiting teaching so sisters in various socio-economic groups would get aquainted. As a not- quite-young single professional, my first visiting teachers were both older sisters. The bishop held ward parties at his home. One of the big-donor sisters had parties at her home were she planned carefully to invite people from every group, rarely repeating the guest list. It helped some of the apartment dwellers especially, feel like they were truly brothers and sisters in the gospel, not just the poor relations in the ward. One of the middle of the income sisters invited a different family or single every week for family home evening with her family. There is also a family home evening group for those without children at home. Singles, empty-nesters, and young couples all participate. All those things were started and planned by the members, and take place in their homes, but perhaps some activites along those lines could be done through the ward.
Have everyone join Facebook!
JB
@ JB
Touche.
@ Jersey Mormon–
You bring up a really interesting area of Mormon-world, and I've actually been working on a post about the very things you bring up for some time now. Although I can't say that I agree with your complete analysis of the process, I do agree with components of it. I'm interested to see what you think of my own ideas on this–I'll post it within a week or so.
@Jason & Single in Phoenix
Both excellent comments. While I maintain the belief that "connectedness" won't come through hanging out with the leadership, this does not mean that having a good relationship with them does not help; in other words, I don't think it's a necessary condition. As Single in Phoenix pointed out, even multiplying the leadership (via RS & EQ splits) will result in a different kind of sorting–I also experienced that in some student wards I was in.
Ultimately, it's on each individual's shoulders, but certain wards have groupings and divisions that can clearly help or impede the process.
Maybe this will sound a little too simple, but if everyone would actually DO their Home and Visiting Teaching, everyone would have at least a few friends (their own H&VT as well as those they H&VT). Really, sometimes I think the relief society is there to pick up the slack– we wouldn't need compassionate service so much if everyone did they job.
Also, I think activities are great, but it is hard to find balance. In the married student ward it seemed there were far too many activities. I had to choose to be "active" or be with my family. I hated the feeling that I wasn't an active member of the ward if I didn't attend all the activities. Family wins. Period.
Right now we attend a ward where most of the ward is military. As a civilian I think I would be more likely to attend activities if they were more easily accessible to all. I don't really want to deal with the security/time it takes to get on base just to meet someone that lives on base- sorry, but I don't want to deal with the hassle every time I want to hang out. Slacker- I know. I am sure the military families would rather stay on base for activities, but it is much easier for them to leave the base than it is for me to enter. Probably the same kind of thing with the ORCS- not many members will feel comfortable going threw the hassle of getting into the gated community to play at the club house- no matter how nice everyone is. Focus on the common ground rather than the differences.
Good luck!
I don’t think we ever “hung out” with the bishops that we felt connected to. What did happen was they took a little extra time during tithing settlement to find out who we were and how we were and where we were headed. The bishops that we were “disconnected” from shuttled us through like the TSA inspectors at the airport. We know the bishops are busy guys with a lot on their shoulders, but it only takes an extra 15 minutes once a year to help that. Now in a ward like yours, dang. Split that thing already! I know not your stewardship, but maybe the word needs to work it’s way up? If a bishop can’t even name the active ones, how can he be a good shepherd to his flock? 600 is seriously too much of a burden for any bishopric.
Now it’s not just bishoprics that can get detached. I’ve seen it happen to RS presidencies too. Having been an RS secretary three times, I’ve seen how a brief personal visit by just one presidency member on a birthday can mean. You suddenly are somebody instead of nobody.
There have been lots of great comments to your posts! I wish you well.
Does anyone know who posted one of the 'Anonymous' comments about the drawbacks of being a civilian in a mostly military ward? My husband and I are closing on a house right now, and just found out we won't be in the ward we had assumed we would be in. Instead we will part of a ward where 75% of the members live on a military base. The comments that 'Anonymous' made about the difficulty of getting on base to go to some activities, etc are exactly what I am horrified about and dreading. Plus, as a foreign citizen, I already know the unintentional cruelty that military top secret security clearance holders have to people of my background (they unintentionally ostracize me because of fears regarding their clearances). Anyway, I am not excited at the prospect of being left out of the ward for various reasons, and so if 'Anonymous' ever reads this, please email me back!! Thanks